Of Dogs and Demons
by Zombie Hamster
Summary: REVAMPED! Just another cinderella story of doggie loveon crack, of course! Beware of some Kikyo OOCness. InuxKag, MirxSan AU Rated for Inuyasha's potty talk.
1. Prologue

I reposted this because I decided that it was utter and complete crap. And in my defense, I wrote most of this after several all nighters. So I cleaned it up a bit and corrected all the late night grammar mishaps and spelling errors for your enjoyment. Please excuse my previous sloppiness.

Warnings: There's some Kikyo bashing. I don't particularly like Kikyo, and I kind made her out to be sort of a super-dense, psycho bitch on a mission. Sorry all you Kik fans out there! However, I promise that all bashing is basically limited to the prologue. I may be evil, but at least I'm humane, ne? Plus, there's some language. I, being the enlightened woman that I am, try to use profanity in moderation and only for the benefit of character development. If you can't handle it, I'm sorry to say that you'll just have to skip on to purer pastures. Let's keep an open mind, people.

Disclaimer: After intense therapy, lots of hugs, and a chocolate bar the size of my head, I've come to terms with the fact that I will never and should never own Inuyasha or any of its characters. Le sob.

Okay, enough with the ranting. On with the story!

:oOo:

Of Dogs and Demons

Prologue

:oOo:

_Sengoku Jidai_

"INUYASHA!"

Inuyasha turned towards the voice screaming his name, still slurping up his noodles. He had just started eating. Why did everyone try to kill him at meal time? Couldn't they wait until, say, midday? Wasn't that a much better time to start a fight? If it was his choice, all fights would start right after lunch, when he was full of food and energy. Leave it to homicidal maniacs to ruin perfectly good meal…

"Inuyasha! How could you? I thought you _loved_ me? How could you betray me like this? We were going to get married and have lots of children—"

He sighed and turned back around.

_Kikyo…_he thought, shaking his head. She just didn't get it. Wasn't she supposed to be some mythical ice bitch? Capable of purifying any youkai by the sheer fidgety of her glare? She was suppose to be cool, calm, and collected, not crazy, clueless, and controlling. At least that what he'd heard before he'd actually come to this village.

At first, they'd been enemies, which wasn't too surprising considering that he'd met every friend he'd ever had on the opposite end of the battlefield. She was the protector the shikon jewel; he was the half demon who wanted to steal the jewel. Not what he'd call the right environment for romance to blossom. But, somehow, they had slowly become friends. Given the time, he might've fallen for the quiet miko. Until one fateful day over three moon cycles ago, she up and decided instead of letting Inuyasha have the jewel to become a full demon, (his life long wish and reason for his jewel lust) she'd wish him human and they could become husband and wife or some mushy crap like that. That pretty much put an end to their tentative relationship. Not that Kikyo seemed to notice. In fact, it only seemed to fuel her fantasies.

Why him?

He snorted and gave his noodles a stir with his chopsticks. Not that Inuyasha wanted to be a bachelor for the rest of his life. Far from it, actually. He'd be damned if ever told another soul, though. So what if he might want to settle down one day? Wasn't that what all men wanted? It's not like he had much to compare to. His parents were long dead. His brother, who seemed more than willing to relieve him of his head, would as soon as grow wings out his pompous ass before he divulged in something as frivolous as having a conversation with his little half brother. Besides, Sesshomaru seemed almost entirely oblivious to the opposite sex (or anything that breathed, for that matter). That left him with the only other male that he'd known in his life: Miroku. Feh, like he'd take after his example! Women may tolerate _his_ lewd behavior with slaps and giggles. Had Inuyasha tried to molest any village girls in such a matter, he'd be sure to receive a nice escort out of town—complete with torches and pitchforks. And why would he take advice from a man so obviously confused himself? To Inuyasha, it seemed incredibly simple: you love someone, you tell them. Or, at the very least, you refrain from groping everything that walks in the presence of that said someone. Everyone knew, with the exception of the pair themselves, that Sango, the taijiya, and Miroku were both desperately in love. It was only a matter of time before the bumbled their way into each other's arms. Even though that day would be bittersweet for Inuyasha—watching Miroku get clobbered by Hiraikotsu was just far too much fun.

He was happy for his friends, in his own aloof and brutal way, (Not that he'd tell them though. Hell, he wouldn't even admit that they were his friends.) but he couldn't help but be jealous. Sango and Miroku had found a strong, loving partner in each other, even if they hadn't figured that out quite yet. And what did he get? The psycho miko bitch.

Rapture.

"—Are you even listening to me?" she shrieked, cutting off his internal monologue.

"Nope." He replied, unbothered, slurping up another mouthful of noodles.

"Oh, I see. I'm just not as interesting as that hussy exterminator!"

He would've laughed if it had been someone else. He didn't have a clue why that miko bitch would insinuate that he and Sango were involved. Him and Sango? Feh! What next? Kouga and Kagura? A wave of canine protectiveness flow through his veins. He clenched his fist around his chopsticks.

No one insulted his friends. _No one._

"Sango is not a hussy!" he barked, dropping his bowl with a harsh thud, whipping around to face her. The miko in question stood in the doorway, one hand clenched around her bow and the other around the shikon jewel around her neck, looking at him in an unpleasant manor.

"And now you're protecting your whore! Honestly, Inuyasha! Did you think I wouldn't find out that you were being unfaithful to me?"

"For the last time, we're not together! Get it into your thick head, baka!" he spat. He braced himself, ready to avoid any arrows or hissy fits. However, instead of bursting out into tears or drawing back on her bow, her eyes softened.

"I know you love me, Inu-koi! You can't fool me! You think you're protecting me by pushing me away." She cooed, running up to him and latching herself around his torso. "You don't have to worry, Inu. I won't leave you! I know that exterminator meant nothing to you. I forgive you."

"Get off me, you crazy bitch!" he yelled, trying his hardest to wiggle out of her death grip.

"It's alright, Inu-bunny! You don't have to pretend to be tough with me. After all, as soon as we wish you human, we'll be husband and wife."

"I don't want to be human! I never did and never will!"

He pushed her off him with all his might, spending her flying to the floor. She looked up at him with previously absent tears forming in her eyes.

"Surely you don't mean that, 'Yasha? How could we possibly get married if you're still a half demon?"

He inwardly flinched at her words. _That's right._ He thought. _No one wants a hanyou_.

"I'll never be your husband, you wench! I couldn't think of a worse fate than spending the rest of my life with you. The only reason I was ever nice to you is because I wanted the jewel! You're just an ugly, self-serving wench!"

She lowered her head, trying to hide the tears spewing down her cheeks.

"You...you dog!"

"Oh, I'm _so_ insulted! Seeing as I'm half _dog_ demon, genius!"

"I was going to use this for us, but you've given me no other choice…" she said in a cool voice that made Inuyasha shiver. She snatched the jewel from around her neck and held it in her hands, studying it like she'd never seen it before. Suddenly, Inuyasha didn't feel so angry anymore. In fact, he suddenly felt very, very scared.

"I thought that you were good, Inuyasha. I thought that you genuinely cared for me. Now I see what you really are." She looked up at him with vengeful eyes. "And I'm going to make sure you and everyone you care for suffers for what you did!"

He snorted, opening his mouth to throw another cheeky insult her way to cover up the fear that was dumping into the bottom of his stomach, only to shut it quickly. The world seemed to shift right in front of his eyes. Everything grew bigger and duller, as if a gray cast had taken over everything all of a sudden. He growled low in his chest.

"Kikyo? What the fuck did you do to me?"

She ignored him, collecting her bow from where she had dropped it by the door and left without saying so much as a peep. Feeling his anger return, he moved to go after her and demand an explanation, but stopped when he realized he was running on his hands and knees.

"What the…?" A chill struck his heart as utter terror filled his mind. He tried to bring his hands to his face. His arms refused to move, as if they were incapable of moving in such a manner. And his scent…his scent had changed. It had lost that sharp, electric tang of his youki. It smelled muted, some how, dull. Something was wrong…something was seriously wrong. Slowly, he turned around and peered into his discarded bowl of soup.

Instead of meeting the gaze of a boy reflected in the broth, he saw the wild eyes of an animal.

:oOo:

A/N: So, what do you think? Definitely cleaner, no? Well, I think so. Be nice to the poor college student and drop her a review. I took time out of my b-day to better your Inuyasha fanfic reading experience! How's that for a guilt trip? ...Sucky?...Well, drat.


	2. When Fairy Godfathers Attack

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Inuyasha and all it's characters, Kikyo would decide to move to Mexico and spend the rest of her dead days on a beach far, far away from Inuyasha, Naraku would be a misunderstood, evil bunny rabbit, and Sesshomaru and I would be procreating like there was no tomorrow. Obviously, since there are no cute Sesshomaru's or Marti's running around, I don't own Inuyasha. Sad, ain't it?

:oOo:

Of Dogs and Demons

Chapter 1

When Fairy Godfathers Attack

:oOo:

_Present Day_

Inuyasha cracked his eyes open. Instead of being met with a vision of a vengeful miko, he was greeted with two concerned pairs of eyes.

"Hey! Get the fuck out of my face!"

"You were whimpering in your sleep, Inuyasha. We were merely investigating." Miroku replied evenly.

"Was not!"

"Our mistake. We forgot that the Great and Mighty Inuyasha isn't capable of whimpering, unlike us weak and pathetic mortals." Sango said, her words oozing with sarcasm. The once half demon chose to ignore her and rolled over in a weak attempt to save his dignity.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sango asked gently after a moment of tense silence. He favored her with a long appraising gaze over his shoulder, allowing his eyes to flicker over Miroku as well. He was struck, not for the first time, by how remarkably similar the looked with their silky jet black fur and large triangular ears. The only way you could tell the two apart (besides that fact that Sango was defiantly a female and Miroku defiantly wasn't) was their eyes. Where Sango's were dark and friendly, Miroku's had a slightly purple tint that danced with mischief.

"No." he said, letting his drop back to the floor.

"Let me guess…you were dreaming of Kikyo again, ne?" Miroku asked. Inuyasha closed his eyes wearily.

"Even if I was, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you."

"He was." Miroku responded with a wolfish grin.

"Shut up, hentai!"

"You wound me. I'm a monk of high moral standards, regardless of what form I happen to inhabit at the moment."

Inuyasha snarled and heaved himself up, retreating into the kitchen.

"Now look what you did! He's never going to talk to us if you keep teasing him like that." Sango scolded in an angry whisper.

"Excuse me, dear Sango, I can't help but point out the obvious."

"Couldn't you be a little more subtle?"

"I'm the very picture of subtle."

"You're pushing it, monk."

"It's not like I can't hear you!" Inuyasha snapped. Damned nosey, stupid, baka friends…He didn't want to talk about what happened. Talking wasn't going to change a damned thing. What happened, happened. No amount of crying would reverse their curse. Besides, he couldn't bear to see the heartbroken looks on their faces when they discovered that there was no way to break their curse. This wasn't some sappy Disney movie where all he had to do was find his 'twue wuv' or get some princess make out with him or something. No, Kikyo had insured that they'd suffer for eternity.

A long suffering sigh escaped him as he looked at his reflection in his chrome dog bowl. He glared at the white dog with golden eyes stared back at him. Even after all this time, he still was surprised by his reflection. Not that being a dog was a particularly bad way to spend forever. Humiliating? Yes. Frustrating? Sure. Unbearable? Almost, but not quite. He'd tried many times, unsuccessfully, to end his embarrassment. But after throwing himself off a couple cliffs, a few drowning attempts, being run over by a couple trains, eating several boxes of rat poison, and a very unfortunate accident with a vat of pickles, Sango and Miroku finally convinced him (more like beat it into is head) that life as a dog could have its perks.

Sure, he couldn't wield Tesseiga anymore and any hope at true happiness was pretty much shot, but there were a lot of things that he didn't miss that came with being of the two-legged persuasion. No demons dragged you out of bed in the middle of the night to try to pound you into the ground. No estranged half brothers ranted your ears off about the impurity of your blood. No arch rivals following you around and plotting your demise—unless you counted dog catchers, but they were hardly worth his time. If you were lucky and were blessed with a kind owner, you didn't have to do much of anything, really—just sit around all day and get fat. It wasn't the existence that he'd hoped for, but when had kami ever given anything he'd hoped for?

Nope, being a dog wasn't so bad if you ignored the fact that you were doomed to be one until the end of the world. And the fleas…those goddamned fleas.

"Hey guys, I'm home!" a voice chimed from the front door, the sound of footsteps echoing on the hardwood floor. "Did you miss me?"

His ears perked up. His "mistress" had returned. And it was about time, too! She'd been gone for a whole—his eyes swiveled up to the clock on the wall—forty-five minutes! Really…what was she thinking being gone that long? Stupid bitch…

"Hey, hey, hey! Down! I'll pet you in a minute. Just let me get these into the kitchen." She said, probably to Miroku, walking into the kitchen, her arms full of grocery bags. She dumped them onto the table before busily going about putting them away, the monk trailing her every footstep.

Higurashi Kagome…his _owner_. He had first met her after a particularly nasty brawl with some of the local strays who felt that his little gumi was trespassing in their territory. He hadn't been hurt too bad, but she took him home and bandaged his wounds. After pouring on his doggy charm, he'd weaseled his way into her home. It wasn't too long before Sango and Miroku sniffed him out and pestered her into taking them in too. The stupid onna had too big of a heart.

Although he hated to admit it, she wasn't bad, as far as humans went. She didn't abuse them or talk to them as if they were some baby human brat. Or, even worse, give them some stupid, embarrassing names. It was sort of a given that (since he was doomed, in the grand, ironic tradition of the curses of scorned females, to serve the very thing he loathed to become) he was bound to have some less-than-lovable masters with horrible naming skills. He shuddered. His last master had called him 'Snowflake'. What the hell kind of name is that? Certainly not a name meant for a man, that's for damn sure.

Actually, he'd been surprised by how accurate her names were. It was almost as if

she knew more than she let on. She had taken to calling him 'Demon' after she'd been subjected to his particular brand of mischief one too many times. She'd named Sango 'Coral', saying that her temperament reminded her of a peaceful motion of a calm sea (1), although she never actually called her that. She usually shortened it to 'Rol or Co-chan. (He guessed that there was some strange modern female impulse to use nicknames and endearments. Not that he cared, as long as she didn't start calling him Demmie-poo or something equally disgusting.) Miroku received the name 'Houshi' as sort of a joke. It seemed that his womanizing tendencies hadn't been hampered by his change in species.

"The store was absolutely packed today! I had to beat off five people to get the last carton of orange juice…I swear, people these days are so rude!" She growled, using a little more force than necessary to put away her recently bought soup cans. "And that cashier...Can you believe she tried to tell me I gave her two tens and a twenty? Just thought that I'd sit back and let her steal my money? Errrr! The nerve of that woman…" she rambled on, describing in gory detail the full extent of the horrors to be found at the supermarket. Inuyasha, who was quite use to her almost endless monologues, listened with half an ear. Miroku was still following her every move with a horny glint in his eye, probably trying to see if he could get a glimpse of her nether regions. A deep growl vibrated in the back of his throat at the thought of the hentai knowing the color of Kagome's underwear.

"What seems to be the matter, Inuyasha?" The ex-monk stopped his unholy pursuit suddenly and turned to cock his head at his friend. But before he could answer, Kagome stopped her rambling to cast a curious look towards him.

"What is it, Demon? Hmm?" she sat back on her haunches to look the dog in the eye. "Did you hear something?"

He resisted the urge to shake his head with the ease that only centuries of practice can obtain. It was harder with Kagome, though…especially when she looked at him like that. Instead, he just licked his chops before flashing her a doggy grin. He poignantly ignored the way his heart clenched when she smiled back at him.

"Yeah…you could be a good boy when you want to." She said, reaching up and scratching behind his ears. He couldn't help but let his eyes slip shut as she expertly itched his happy spot. (2) She always knew just how to get him to forget anything. However, his ear scratch was cut short when the telephone decided to ring. He immediately hoped over to the phone attached to the kitchen wall.

"Moshi, moshi! (3)" she chimed into the headset as she drifted over to the table to sit down. "Hey, momma! No, not really…I had the worst day. Everything was hectic at work. There was some kind of fire at a day care center. There were so many burned little children…it was awful. And to make matters even worse, they didn't schedule enough nurses as usual. I know it's that it's New Year's Eve, but really. So we were all running around with our heads cut off…" Inuyasha put his head in her lap, nuzzling her stomach with his nose in a comforting gesture. Kagome stroked his head a few times and continued.

"I was thinking about just not going to the party. I mean, it's been a long day and all…Do you really think I should go? Well I suppose that it might do me some good...Alright, I'll go. But just for you. Oh, it's getting late! I better get ready. I love you, Mom!" She quickly replaced the phone and disappeared into her bedroom. Miroku attempted to follow her, but was stopped by a sharp bite on the tail from Sango.

"My darling Sango, I was simply going to make sure that she didn't injure herself in her haste to get ready." Sango, not at all convinced by the other's lame excuse, threw him a death glare and stormed into Kagome's room, making sure to shut the door behind her. Inuyasha just shook his head and wandered into the living room.

"One day, she's going to do more than just snap at your tail."

"I certainly hope so." Miroku countered, smiling mischievously.

"You letch! That's not what I meant!"

"Of course not."

They fell quiet, both opting to let their minds wander while their mistress went about nosily getting ready. It wasn't until some time and a few loud curses later that Kagome appeared, buttoning up her knee-length winter coat as she walked down the hallway and towards the door.

"You guys behave, now." She said, ruffling Miroku and Sango's ears. "That goes for you, too, Demon. I don't want to come home and find the house a mess, okay?" He gave her a look that said 'I think about it'. She graced him with a smile and gave the top of his head a peck. He told himself that the sharp tug at his heart was merely heart burn and not because she had just kissed him.

Kagome, however, was too busy retrieving her keys and purse to notice any strange behavior coming from her furry house mates. Giving her hair one last look over in the mirror by the door, she rushed out of the house and into her car. All three of the dogs watched as she backed up and disappeared into the distance.

"Well, well, well. Looks like we have the whole house to ourselves! What should we do?" Miroku asked, tearing his eyes from the window and back towards his companions.

"I don't care _what _you do, houshi-sama, just as long as it doesn't involve me." Sango snapped. Inuyasha would've whistled if he had lips capable of such a sound. She must be in a really bad mood if she's resorted to calling him 'houshi-sama'.

"Lady Sango," Miroku said, caking his words with charm. "Surely you aren't still upset with me."

"Upset? Who's upset? Why should I have a reason to be upset, _houshi-sama_? ...Stop sniffing me there, hentai!"

"But you scent _so_ lovely."

"Well you can smell me from over there! Or, better yet, the other end of the house!"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha yelled suddenly, shocking the feuding couple into silence. The former dog demon was staring intently at the hallway as he sniffed the air lightly, a growl beginning low in his chest.

"Wha—" Sango began, her voice dying in her throat when the sound of a window being open echoed from the room that Kagome used as an office at the end of the hallway. All three dogs quietly made their way towards the offending sound, listening carefully.

"Geez…I thought she'd never leave! Now, let's see…where are they…?" a small voice sighed from behind the door. His growl returned. Some little kid was broke in Kagome's house? Why the little… He couldn't kill the fucker, but he sure wouldn't be going home with all his limbs tonight. Rushing foreword, Inuyasha bust through the partially open door, ready to maul the stupid kid that dare try steal from Kagome, followed by Sango and Miroku, who were growling their own promises of bodily harm. What greeted them on the other side, however, caused all three dogs to stop in their tracks. A boy no older than ten or so with bright red hair and violently green eyes stood in the middle of the room, beaming them with a huge smile that could've danced his way into anyone's heart. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a green tee-shirt with five ugly cartoon characters that reminded Inuyasha vaguely of his brother's servant, Jaken. (4) A red, puffy coat topped off the 'I'm-little-and-defenseless' image the child seemed to radiate. But what was interesting about the kid wasn't his odd choice in clothing. No, not at all, considering that they had all assumed that youkai had died out a century or two ago. So, naturally, they were all rightfully stunned that one was standing before them. Especially since the said youkai was acting as if it was the most common thing in the world for random demons to suddenly break into your house and start talking to the pets.

"Ah! There you are. Do you know how long it's taken me to track you three down? It has to be at least ten years now! Can't you stay in one place? Oh, how rude of me…Allow me to introduce myself. My name's Shippo. I'm your fairy godfather!" He declared, his chest puffed out importantly. It wasn't long before he noticed the blank stares he was receiving and deflated. "What?"

:oOo:

1. Sango's name in Japanese can either be translated as 'the sea' or as 'coral'. My research also says that it could mean 'after birth' as well. Interesting, says Marti.

2. My dog, whose characteristics are the basis for all three of our trio's doggy habits, has a spot right behind her ears that I refer to as her 'happy spot'. Even the slightest of brushes in this particular area result it canine euphoria.

3. 'Moshi, moshi', says my source on Japanese-ness, is the way the Japanese answer their phones. Much like 'allo' in French, it is only used for phone conversations.

4. Turtle power!;D I love Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles…

**AN**: I'm sorry that it took so long to update. Finals week decided that it didn't like me, and proceeded to make my life hell on Earth. And it didn't help that I got to be so tired that I mistook my alarm clock's radio for voices in my head. Ah well, that's college for you, kiddy bumpers. Le sigh. Anyhey, since I probably won't have much to do besides work over Christmas break, I'll probably chuck out another chapter or two within the next week or so.

swings a pocket watch in front of her computer screen You will post a review…You will post a review…hypnotizes herself I will post a review…I will post a review. Hey! Wait a minute…

**Love To Reviewers:**

**Sunrider22**: Yes, the prologue was set in the feudal era. I'm sorry I forgot to say that…thanks for catching that! My memory is about as reliable as a wet match.

**Raihu**: Thanks for your comments! I got kind of tired Kikyo either being gut wrenchingly tragic or utterly sadistic. I thought it would be a nice change to kind of poke fun at her. I'm the kind of fanfic writer that likes to make the characters that she doesn't like squirm. ;D I'm hesitant to call this story a parody, because that implies that I'm making fun of the series. But, I assure you, there will defiantly be some parody-ish things to come. Thanks for all your wonderful comments! There's nothing I love more than criticism, especially when it's good.

**Starflower-gem**: I'm glad that you took a chance on my story! Summaries never seem to like me much…the little pooh heads. ;D It warms my little, abused heart that you like my story. I hope that this chapter leaves you as satisfied as the prologue.

**Anonymous Dot Man (Or woman, or gerbil, or cow )**: I would continue the bash Kikyo fest, but, unfortunately, she doesn't really fit into the rest of the story. I'm sorry! I hope that the amount of Inuyasha/Kagome goodness will help soothe your disappointment. It's nice to know that someone actually reads AN's.

Many hugs and mountains of chocolate to inuyashafreak337, kagomesandemonInuYasha, Mika Sorano, and Jewl4Life for your oh-so-thoughtful reviews. You're the only reason I stayed up till five in the morning to post this. I would respond to you all individually, but since I'm lazy and sleep deprived, I'm sending gratitude in bulk. Merry End of Finals Week!


	3. Explanations and Ceiling Fans

A/N: I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to update this story! I've spent the last couple year jumping from one play right into another and working my ass to ribbons this summer. Which, for all you non-theatre types out there, means that, between class, food time, work, and rehearsal, I was pulling 18 hour days compiled with non-stop drama drama. Not to mention the fact that some _wonderful_ professor of mine decided to make me stage manager without even asking me. Yeah. In a nut shell, I barely had time to sleep, let alone write.

Baah, I talk too much.

Warnings: Not-a-whole-bunch-of-action alert, and some cruel and unusual bouts of Shippo torture

Disclaimer: Marti lazy pants. Go back to the previous two chapters, if you must. Same thing.

:oOo:

Of Dogs and Demons

Chapter Two

:oOo:

"Get back here, runt!"

"Hey! Wait a minute! I'm trying to help you!"

"Hold still, you little shit! I'm trying to rip your tail off!"

"You big, fat meanie!"

"Punk ass kid!"

"STUPID MUTT!"

"How much longer do you think they'll continue this foolishness?" Miroku said irritably, watching Inuyasha chase the strange kit in circles. Sango snorted.

"Knowing Inuyasha?" she said, laying her head on her outstretched legs. "This could take all night." Miroku let out a weary sigh and went back to watching the chase in front of him.

"Ha! You can't get me now, you stinky dog!" taunted the kit, hanging from the ceiling fan. Inuyasha barked menacingly, but the kit simply waved his small bottom at the canine tauntingly.

"Get down here, brat, and take it like a demon!" he growled.

"No way!"

"I'm warning you!" The former hanyou snarled.

"Just try and get me, butt head!" the fox jeered. The dog crouched down and jumped, snapping at the kit's tail. Shippo bust out laughing blew a very wet sounding raspberry. "Missed me, lunk head!"

"You—" Inuyasha started, but stopped, an evil glimmer in his eye. "Okay, then. Have it your way, runt." He said lazily, moseying towards the door. The kit's eyes widened in unadulterated terror.

"You—you wouldn't!" he stammered.

"Me? Oh, I think I would."

"No! Wait! Please!"

Inuyasha smirked malevolently, neglecting to respond to the fox's pleas. With mocking slowness, he balanced his front paws on the wall and nosed the switch. The kitsune wrapped his small body around the blade, screeching annoyingly as the fan began to turn. All three dogs watched in varying degrees of satisfaction and horror as Shippo spun faster and faster.

It was at this point that something very unfortunate happened. Inuyasha helpfully suggested that he let go and face the inevitable. Shippo, on the other hand, was clearly adverse to the dog's idea, and recommended that Inuyasha become intimately acquainted with a cactus. Sadly, he attempted to reinforce this by waving one tiny fist determinedly at said cursed person. Unable to continue his battle with the fan blade with only one hand, the kit plummeted, face first, into a wall.

"Stupid…mutt…" the dizzy, aching kit proclaimed weakly.

"I'm not the one who decided to play marry-go-round with a ceiling fan, shit head!"

"Like I had a choice, dog breath!"

"Fuck face!"

"Pet!"

"Annoying little fucker!"

"ENOUGH!" Miroku hollered, snarling at the pair, who abruptly ceased their bickering.

"Miro—"

"Shut up, Inuyasha. Now, what is it that you want, Shippo-chan?"

"I was here to help you…that is, before mutt face here had to chase me around the room!"

"You expect me to believe that you're our "fairy godfather"? Keh…I've never heard a bigger load of bullshit in my life."

"Well, maybe I was exaggerating. Can't a kid have any fun these days? I was sent here by the CDDP to help you break your curse. Doesn't that sort of make me your—"

"Wait, the CDDP?" Sango interjected. "Who is the CDDP?"

"The Council for the Defense of Demonic People…dur."

"I thought all the demons died out years ago…" Miroku wondered out loud.

"Nope! Just went into hiding. Some of the more prominent youkai got tired of dealing with humans and decided to go underground. Or something like that. It was way before my time. Anyway, the CDDP is one of the agencies that the founder people made to manage humans and demons. I was given your case because I'm the only youkai in the area that can do illusion—"

"Huh? Our case? What the hell is he going on about?"

"Inuyasha, if you can't say anything pertinent, try to keep your mouth closed."

"Fuck you, Miroku!"

"Another time, perhaps. Now, how about you start from the beginning, Shippo-chan, and tell us why you're here."

"Well, like I said, the CDDP sent me here to help you break your curse."

Inuyasha snorted and headed for the door. "Good luck with that, kid."

"Inuyasha…" Sango warned.

"Don't you idiots get it? We're stuck like this! There isn't anything that punk could do to fix us. This isn't worth my time…"

"But, Inuyasha, he just said he could—" Miroku started.

"Are you fucking stupid?? There's no hope for any of us! We aren't cursed, we're damned! The shikon no tama doesn't make curses, it grants wishes. Kikyo wished for us to stay like this for all eternity! You can't fucking undo that!" Inuyasha roared.

"…Expect if someone used the jewel to reverse the wish. We know, we know." Shippo replied lazily.

"So, we're stuck this way for…forever?" Sango asked, her voice trembling the slightest bit.

"Aren't any of you listening?! I told you, that's why I'm here. Geez, you guys are awful slow for people who've lived for so long."

"Who're you calling slow?" Inuyasha demanded. "It should be awful simple, baka. Kikyo used jewel. We turned into dogs. Jewel disappeared. We're screwed. Easy as fucking cake."

"Don't tell me…All this time you've spent with Kagome, you don't even know who she is?" His inquiry was met with blank stares. "Oh, come on."

"I'm afraid, Shippo-chan," Miroku commented, almost succeeding to keep his offense from tinting his voice, "That we don't what you're talking about."

"She's Kikyo's reincarnation! Surely you've noticed the similarities between the two?"

"Kagome is nothing like Kikyo! Kikyo was a deluded, vicious bitch! Kagome—she…she's nothing like that miko wench." Inuyasha finished lamely. Sango sighed heavily.

"This is getting no where. How's about we move to the living room. Shippo can tell us exactly what's going on…without interruptions." She said, giving a pointed look to Inuyasha.

"Whatever." He replied, and stalked down the hall irritably.

Once they had all settled into the living room, Shippo coughed importantly and began his story.

"Inuyasha was right about the jewel. Soon after Kikyo cursed all of you, she battled a very powerful demon and died soon after. The jewel was burned with her corpse, and as far as everyone was concerned, it ceased to exist. That is, until twenty-four years ago and Kikyo's spirit was reincarnated. The jewel, it seems, followed its protector's spirit."

"So, you're saying that Kagome has the shikkon no tama and we never noticed?" Miroku asked.

"No, you probably wouldn't have. She doesn't even know she has it. It's lodged dormant somewhere in her body. At least, that's what everyone thinks."

"Okay, the jewel still exists. What does that have to do with you being here?" Inuyasha snapped.

"The higher ups want the jewel destroyed. Too many youkai want it. And the only way to get rid of the jewel permanently is to make a pure wish."

"I still don't see how that has anything to do with us." Inuyasha complained.

"CDDP has a theory that if we can trigger a strong enough emotional reaction in Kagome, the jewel would sort of force the jewel to retract Kikyo's wish. That's a pretty pure wish, don't you think?" Sango narrowed her eyes.

"What sort of emotional reaction?" Shippo suddenly looked nervous. He squirmed around in his seat for a moment before he began to answer.

"Well…uh…you see…that's is…that's where Inuyasha comes in." Shippo stammered.

"Me? Why me?"

"Well…the CDDP thought that you'd be the best candidate to…uh…ah, man."

"To what?" Miroku said, tilting his head to the side.

Shippo's eyes darted back and forth between Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku, his face becoming increasingly red. Finally, he exploded, spewing out words in an almost incoherent flood.

"TobreakthespellInuyashawillhavetomakeKagomefallinlovewithhimbecauseheisalreadyinlovewith—Oh, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" He finished, covering his head with his hands. The three dogs, however, blinked at him.

"…What did he just say?" Sango asked.

"Hell if I know."

"I believe he said something along the lines that, in order to trigger the retraction of the wish, Inuyasha has to woe Lady Kagome." He paused, letting a huge, perverted grin seep across his face. "And, that Inuyasha is in love with—"

"I ain't in love with nobody!" Inuyasha interrupted. Sango's ears perked up.

"Come to think of it, you're always hovering around her when she's home."

"And watching the clock on her bed when she's gone." Miroku added.

"And all but ripping out the throat of that one guy who tried to steal her purse that one time in the park…"

"Not to mention that overbearing Hojo character…"

"Or that you get angry with Miroku when he pulls his perverted stunts on her."

"I'll have you know that I'm a monk of high morals, who is above crass sexual exploits." Miroku huffed indignantly.

"Hah! I don't think there's a woman on this planet left that hasn't been groped by you!" Sango rebuffed, jumping down from her position on the couch to face Miroku on the floor.

"I find it highly unlikely that I could've done so to every woman on the planet—"

"You're damn near close!"

"Well…" Sango growled and made a point of looking as far away from Miroku as physically possible.

"You're missing the point here!" Inuyasha bellowed at Shippo. "I'm not in love with Kagome!"

"Oh, well, that's too bad." Shippo said with a sigh, producing a leaf from his pocket and spinning the stem between his fore and middle fingers. "I guess that means that you'll be stuck this forever. Not to mention what will happen to poor Kagome once the rest of the demon world finds out she has the shikkon no tama…" Inuyasha's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean 'poor Kagome'?"

"The CDDP can't keep a story like this under wraps forever. It's only a matter of time before demons will start taking an interest in Kagome. I don't doubt that someone will eventually try to rip the damned thing right out of her."

Shippo smirked. He didn't even have to look up from his leaf twittling. Oh, no. He had the former hanyou right where he wanted him.

:oOo:

A/N: I hate the way this chapter turned out, per usual. So, tell me what you think. Be brutal, shower it with e-petals of fanfic love, rip it to shreads, whatever.

Love to my 'viewers: I'm dead tired, so love comes in bulk today. If you reviewed my story, (which had to be quite awhile ago humasive sweat drop) you get a nice, big chocolaty ebrownie. X3


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